You sit in your chair. You log online. This was way easier in your head then it is now, you think to yourself. Then you think you should have correct grammar and remember you are not in High School anymore and anyone reading who let’s that bother them probably let other things bother them just as much.
Off topic. You just finished another shift at a job that you sincerely hate. It’s not a, “Day job sucks” sort of thing, it’s a “Day Job sucks & I do not like the person I am there.” sort of thing but it could be worse. Your friends are there. Some of them. They help, but nothing takes the place of the human less encounters. Nothing beats the… “Hey how are you?” "2 pieces of chicken”. Then again, you don’t really want to know their life story in the first place. It’s catch-22. It should be a machine. You come in, you order, and you leave. Google takes all the guessing out of it, but that means no job, no money. Then you think… maybe that’s a good thing. It’s not really your job’s fault though. They don’t make you do anything & they’ve supported the dream up to this point. Your just in a rut.
A rut. Why are you in a rut? You’ve been creating the best music of your life and you claim your in a rut. You just headlined for the first time in Kansas City, and you MADE MONEY doing what you loved. A substantial amount of money. Money you didn’t think you;d have before & you made money. Probably should of made more, but you made more and you claim you’re in a rut. The same press that wouldn’t respond to your email in Kansas City, all featured you. ALL of them. Yet you claim your in a rut because you have to pay for your sins at your job. It’s incredible.
Every time you go to women, you get in a “rut”. You blame them for your “ruts” yet that’s all you write about. You take things on the chin and fuck things up and then expect them to clean up your mess. Some of them won’t do that. In fact, most of them won’t, yet you walk around like you deserve to be treated that way. You don’t. You don’t need a maid, you don’t need somebody to make you feel better about yourself. They can smell that shit a mile away, and the walls you build are as transparent as the lies you tell to create a distance between them and you. It’s tough to hear this kid, but it’s your fault. Sure, you’ve spent time with some questionable characters but force themselves in your life. You took a signal, no matter how blatant it was and you ran with it. Now, you get angry and punch things as if that’s worked in the past.
I don’t know what to tell you kid. You’re 25 now, and all the decisions you make in life now impact the rest of your life. When you lie to someone else, you are really just lying to yourself. When you spend money when you don’t have money, you may not have money for awhile & every day you sleep in is a day your dream drifts farther away from you. You don’t really get the right kind of sleep anyways.
Your friend says you need to love yourself, but you think you can conquer the world still. Right? This is not depression. People love to write things off as depression, this is just a kid getting the talk. It’s time to grow up and grow into the pair of shoes you have. You can do this, you really can. You can go and do all those things you’ve been dreaming of. You can go and headline those venues that wouldn’t talk to you so long ago. You can do all these things in time, with patience and persistence, and that’s so apparent to you but you claim your in a rut and sad. HEARTBREAK IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS ON THIS EARTH. IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOU WILL NEVER BREAK OUT OF IT.
Calm down. Don’t yell, you’re alright. You play your “A little fucked up” playlist on spotify and all those heroes in those headphones of yours start to relate to you. It’s fun to be a little fucked up. Why? We are all a little fucked up. If your not a little fucked up, then your a little boring and you should go out and do something with your life.
The fire still burns, it’s been cold inside for a little while but the fire is still there. It still burns and it still lights the way until you find the end of the tunnel. Just keep your head up, get a little more positive. Lick your wounds and come back that much stronger because you’ve been in this “rut” for awhile now. Life is too short not to get better. So get better. At everything and report back to me.
Sincerely your friend,
Second Hand King