9/19/2015: Working out the kinks…

My goal from now to the end of the world is, to have more fun than everybody else.  I know I gotta pay my dues to earn that.  That’s where I am, where I’ve been.  
It’s crazy, the more success I have doing my dream, and following it & connecting with everyone - the more going into my day job, feels like shit.  I could go on there, but I won’t.  

This paying dues, maybe I just need a great escape.  It’s shitty to make it about the money, but it is about the money.  Any artists who say it’s not, wouldn’t drive half way across the world for 9 fans.  We all play boring shows.  You can have a concert in your bedroom with your nightstand being the only VIP & still get what you need to get out.  

The money/caring what people think takes all the fun out of it though.  It’s so fucked.  I shouldn’t care about the money, yet every time I go into the job that actually pays the bills I can’t muster up the happiness.  The shows are wild and crazy and more fun than ever – but it’s like coming down from a high.  Back to reality.  Back to blank stares, humanless humans.  Why is it so hard to be a human?  Why is it so hard to have fun?  

Doesn’t make sense to me.  

My music heroes had to suffer, and If I really want this – I’ll overcome it.  Need to be smart about it though.  Smart about it all.  Kansas City, I feel like you guys are giving me what I need right now.  We just need to keep building.  Tell a friend, who tells a friend.  Or just show up at shows like you have been doing.  I can’t ask for more.  I have these opportunities that not too many get.  I’m happy doing these things, creating.  I want to see what I create.  

That’s where I am.  The creation.  ALWAYS creating.  Maybe this monkey will jump off my back.  After all, I just want to have fun.  I guess I’m still finding my voice.  Discovering myself.  Learning to not be the self loathing prick.  

Takes time folks.  Have good days & bad days.  We all do, but we try again for a perfect day.

Your bud, 
Second Hand King