My goal from now to the end of the world is, to have more fun than everybody else. I know I gotta pay my dues to earn that. That’s where I am, where I’ve been.
It’s crazy, the more success I have doing my dream, and following it & connecting with everyone - the more going into my day job, feels like shit. I could go on there, but I won’t.
This paying dues, maybe I just need a great escape. It’s shitty to make it about the money, but it is about the money. Any artists who say it’s not, wouldn’t drive half way across the world for 9 fans. We all play boring shows. You can have a concert in your bedroom with your nightstand being the only VIP & still get what you need to get out.
The money/caring what people think takes all the fun out of it though. It’s so fucked. I shouldn’t care about the money, yet every time I go into the job that actually pays the bills I can’t muster up the happiness. The shows are wild and crazy and more fun than ever – but it’s like coming down from a high. Back to reality. Back to blank stares, humanless humans. Why is it so hard to be a human? Why is it so hard to have fun?
Doesn’t make sense to me.
My music heroes had to suffer, and If I really want this – I’ll overcome it. Need to be smart about it though. Smart about it all. Kansas City, I feel like you guys are giving me what I need right now. We just need to keep building. Tell a friend, who tells a friend. Or just show up at shows like you have been doing. I can’t ask for more. I have these opportunities that not too many get. I’m happy doing these things, creating. I want to see what I create.
That’s where I am. The creation. ALWAYS creating. Maybe this monkey will jump off my back. After all, I just want to have fun. I guess I’m still finding my voice. Discovering myself. Learning to not be the self loathing prick.
Takes time folks. Have good days & bad days. We all do, but we try again for a perfect day.
Second Hand King