"been a long time, i shouldn't have le-le-left you"

i went awhile without titling blogs with song lyrics.  

i just hate titling these things.  they aren't real.  it's a microcosm of ideas and thoughts that essentially do not exist to anyone other than myself.  

wow, way to write you off reader.  i didn't mean to, i just do that.  it's a habit, i'm sorry.  i never expect anyone to read these things.  i never want anyone to really but that's a dirty lie.  i do.  otherwise i wouldn't post them.

i have millions of words ive never shared.  ideas i've never let see the morning light of day.  you know, i'm not sure this helps.  but i know i feel better after these jobbled ideas so, i'll keep doing them.

i'll stop fucking around.  i've changed.  my life has changed. the big figures in my life -- each one has taken new meaning.  it's an exciting time for the artist as he holds on with all his might to dreams and whatnot.  

i'm right at that place that people start looking at you strange for saying "i'd still like to do this music stuff".  right in that sweet spot of people telling you, you are still young.  it's never too late.  you are walking down a path that you may never come back from.  well, i've always done that.   for better or worse, even when those that surround me couldn't understand.  

i've always walked my path.  and now, it's not such a lonely path.  i've taken a few for the ride.  companions, but you know my path isn't quite my path any longer.  it's a goal, idea, vision.  

my time is no longer my own.  it's of another, for another, by another.  it's strange when you think about it.

so, concerning my music career, it gets fun.  now more than ever, i can't be the lonely soul.  can't go off and fuck around, throw a bad show.  have a bad day.  now... it is time to grow up the way i've always dreamt of.  i know, you all say sacrifice, and give in to some of the things you wanted but... the truth of it for me, as it always has been is this has always been something more to me.

maybe it's baseball charm/magic.  maybe apart of me believes the symphonies on this earth are put here for a reason.   that there is something grand in all of this mess and mayhem, maybe secretly i'm an optimist who never came to terms with his endowment.  

whatever the case.  it's time.  

i'm sorry if it's been awhile since we talked.  i'm sorry that i changed for some of you.  this is not a foolish idea, for some reason it always comes back to the music.  the constant.  the one thing that beyond all things has always been there for me.  but, truthfully, i am the music and it's me who has been there for me.  when times were hard it was me, there for me.  maybe that's the truth of it.  maybe, i'm not so hopeless.  maybe.

your dear, complicated author,
Second Hand King.